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May 11, 2015: Dem Chickens

Alys: Girls, I need to have a talk with you.
Freebird: A talk with us, why?
A: Because what I have to say is extremely important
Sophie: You aren’t planning on butchering us, are you?
A: Heavens no.
Red Hen: Praise the Lord.
A: But I do have an important matter that I need to discuss with all three of you.
FB: I’m listening.
RH: I’m listening.
S: What do you two mean, listen? I don’t know what you are getting at.

RH: Ignore her. She’s not very bright.
S: I am very bright. Look at my feathers. They’re as bright as freshly fallen snow.
FB: Alys, continue.
A: What gives? I haven’t seen an egg around here in months.
RH: I laid an egg a few months back, so I’m off the hook.
A: I’m saying that productivity hasn’t just been down, it’s been non-existent.
S: That’s a pity.
FB: You should go with store bought eggs.
A: I have three, count ‘em, three healthy chickens in the prime of their respective lives, and I’m not getting any eggs. What gives?
S: We need a rooster in this coop. Isn’t natural, for chickens to be without a male mate.
A: Yeah, if I got a rooster, and he lived with you all, you’d most likely never stop fucking, that is until he was very, very old and decrepit.
S: Okay. So go and get three roosters. This way, we’ll each have our own main squeeze.
RH: But it’s already crowded in here.
FB: Expand the coop size.
RH: If you got a rooster, we’d have to share our food with him.
S: No!
A: Yes!
RB: Some roosters are more aggressive than others.
A: What’s it going to take, my getting some eggs?
S: Prayer might help.
A: I don’t believe in God.
RB: You don’t believe in God?
A: I don’t believe in God. Do you?
RB: Of course I do.
A: And you Freebird?
FB: Of course I do.
A: And you, Sophie?
S: Who’s God?
FB: I told you that Sophie isn’t the brightest.
A: I’d like it you three to buckled down and laid some eggs.
RB: We aren’t making any promises.
FB: Our egg laying days may be over.
S: We are now, first and foremost, pets.
RB: And as such, we allow you to enjoy our company.
A: You three are lucky – I’m a vegetarian.
S: What’ a vegetarian?
A: It’s like being a veterinarian.
S: (Now more loudly) What’s a veterinarian?
A: Enough! Commence producing or I’ll chop your heads off.
FB: It ain’t going to happen. Come on, try and catch me.
A: Yeah, and you all start producing, or else.
RH: Or else means that there are no alternatives.
S: What’s an alternative?
FB: Sophie, you are not of this world.
S: Neither are you.
RB: Now I don’t know what you’re talking about.
A: Must I go back and explain myself?
All three birds: Yes, yes, yes, ye.
A: Then all three of you start producing.
All three birds: No, no, no.
A: Someday . . . .
S: Someday I’m going to fly over the enclosure where my true love waits for me, and be gone, gone, gone. . . .

Next: 125. 5/12/15: Veterinary Clinic

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