Home > Dispatches > Daily Dispatches 2014 >Daily Dispatch #294

November 3, 2014: Three Dogs Speak

Alys: Rainbow, Jenna, Ryder, how are you all doing?

Rainbow, Jenna, and Ryder: (in near unison) f-i-n-e.

Alys: Any of you have any concerns you’d like to articulate?

Jenna: Where’s Pete?

Alys: He’s at work.

Ryder: Does he have a job herding sheep?

Alys: No. He teaches students to be human.

Jenna: When will he be back?

Rainbow, Jenna, Ryder, and their friend Fiona

Alys: When it starts to get dark.

Ryder: Why is it now getting dark so early?

Alys: Because it’s no longer daylight savings time.

Rainbow: I don’t see any daylight being saved.

Ryder: You and Pete are getting up later and later. So there’s less daylight left at the end of the day.

Jenna: I think you humans have something to do with this.

Rainbow: Every year this happens. I’m really tired of it.

Jenna: Rainbow, all you ever do is complain.

Rainbow: And all you ever do is bark, bark, bark, and for no reason at all.

Jenna: I bark when I’m left alone.

Ryder: Why?

Jenna: Because I want it known to all that my being left behind is not right.

Ryder: But Jenna, they always come back.

Jenna: If I don’t bark, they might never come back.

Rainbow: As Alys would say, that’s reverse logic.

Jenna: I stop barking the minute one of the other of them comes into my line of vision.

Rainbow: Some humans are easier to train than others.

Ryder: I have Alys trained to give me treats when we’re out on the trail.

Rainbow: She’d do that anyways. Like Raudi says, she’s a pushover. Don’t be such a suck up. Stay out in the woods as long as you like. In fact, longer is better. The more worried she gets, the happier she will be to see you when you get back.

Ryder: I hadn’t thought of that. You know, my breeding is such that I’m supposed to stay with the stock.

Rainbow: And risk getting kicked or stomped on. Damn horses, you can’t trust them.

Jenna: Stop arguing or I’ll start barking.

Rainbow: Please.

Jenna: Rainbow, nice of you to be so polite. Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf.

Ryder: I can’t find my sunshine toy? Either of you see it around?

Rainbow: It’s in the living room. How come you don’t put your toys away? Ever since you moved in here, your toys and bones have been all over hell and creation.

Ryder: I have Alys trained to put things away for me.
Jenna: Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf.

Rainbow: Jenna, Alys is right here, taking notes.

Jenna: Just practicing: arf, arf, arf, arf.

Rainbow: Jenna, enough.

Ryder: Jenna, enough.

Alys: Jenna, want a treat?

Jenna: Oh yes.

(Alys gives all three dogs a treat).

Jenna: See? I have her trained.

Rainbow: If you were left out in the woods alone, you would not survive.

Jenna: If I were left out in the woods there would be no reason to survive. People, I need people.

Ryder: I repeat, has anyone seen where my sun toy went?

Jenna: Yes, I’ve seen it.

Rainbow: Jenna, this is a serious matter. You are losing it.

Ryder: I’m the one who’s losing it. And I need help finding it.

Jenna: Ask Alys. She’ll help you find it.

Rainbow: She just stepped out. I think she’s going to clean the goat pen. That’s what she does every day at this time.

Ryder: Oh my Dog! Alys went outside without me. She needs me to move the goats for her. They’re too obstinate for her to move alone. That Rover, he weighs over 100 pounds.

Rainbow: Where are you going to put the goats?

Ryder: Back in their pen.

Jenna: Ryder, you’re the one who has a problem. You’re obsessive compulsive.

Ryder: I don’t know what obsessive compulsive is. But I do get things done.

Rainbow: Enough. Here comes Alys. Gosh, she smells like goat shit. Let’s all suck up and look up at her with our soft eyes. She’ll give us all another treat.

Ryder: Yes, I have trained her to do this.

Jenna: Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf.

Next: 295. 11/4/14: Waiting